I Can Program A “New Normal”!
There is this great line I heard from Gerry Hicks a while ago for when he is debating the spiritual rightness of something he thinks or is going to do (you know, when you can’t tell if your reasons are legit or if you are just justifying something to make it permissible). He asks himself this simple question: “If everyone, everywhere did this all the time, would the world be a better place?” I don’t know about you, but that pretty much clarifies it for me in an instant!
It got me to thinking about how well this reflection applies to weight management. What if this one, little choice (to skip the gym because I am “not in a good place today” when I really could have gone, for example) becomes three years of couch-potatodom?
I recently stole the phrase “my new normal” from one of my clients, and I think that is what we are really talking about here. What if this seemingly innocuous decision becomes my new normal? Because that is the risk we take. For how many people has that one (in hindsight “loaded”) decision cost them literally years of no activity and a ton of weight? Every choice you make could be your “new normal”.
Case in point:
I know someone for whom one measly little tater tot at the cafeteria at work re-opened many “doors” she had worked hard at closing, and so far has cost her 2 lap bands, a gastric bypass and about 80 lbs. Wouldn’t it have been helpful to recognize the potential implications of this choice in advance? Most of us have enough examples of this in our own histories that we could definitely learn see the headlights of the oncoming train before it runs us down.
Problem is, we often spend so much time beating ourselves up that we can’t even bear to look, and hence all that valuable information gets lost in the landslide of our self-condemnation. This really needs to become a process of understanding, not of judgment.
Who has the energy to have to recommit all the time? It’s exhausting! Have you noticed how if your eating self (the hungry child within) thinks that if there is even the tiniest chink in your armor, it will wheedle and wheedle until you cave and give in to it? And then, just like a kid, once it knows that there is a chance you will cave, it is relentless!
Quit the Debating Committee.
I think it is fair to say that if you are someone (like me) who has had to work at your weight for a while, any choice that is likely to be critical for your long-term success needs to not be open for debate. Life is so much easier if these critical areas become auto-pilot. The only way to arrive here that I know of is to stop allowing the debate enough times in a row to cement the “right” behavior in place. Let’s face it, if there is even a conversation going on in your head about it at all, you are already in trouble, and are tying to talk yourself into or out of something you know really isn’t in your best interest. Otherwise, what is there to discuss?
Once you do get it cemented – don’t break the seal or you’ll be right back where you started or worse. Doesn’t it seem like each time you let your old self get a grip again, the grip gets stronger?
Find your Lynch Pins.
Now, before you freak yourself out and get totally overwhelmed by this task (and use it as an excuse to quit or eat) thinking that every single little thought that crosses your mind needs to analyzed like this, rest assured that you will find that there are for everyone a few very specific lynch pin behaviors or common threads that you need to stay consistently on top of. It is not all of them. Many of the things that cause you a problem are just the ripples in the pool or fall out from these few lynch pins.
The good stuff is progressive too.
The really, really, really good news is that this works in both directions. We could be having this same conversation about creating new helpful, effective behavior patterns. All actions create ripples in the pool and have effects on other behaviors. All are progressive. So any new, positive pattern you create in your life will have the same momentum generating effects.
Who’s got the reigns?
The challenge is to get to the beginning of the chain and start things off in the right direction. Focusing on behaviors that happen in the earlier part of the day can have a positive effect on the whole pattern of your day. The first few actions set the tone. By the initial steps you take, you decide which track you will be on. Every day you have a choice about what your new normal will be.
Who are you handing the reigns to today?
Begin your final weight loss journey now…
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